FAGGY MAGGY'S TOLLHOUSE LIBERATION

GAY STREET

2005-02-03T09:37:00.000-06:00

Since I've started caring, I have made it a hobby to read and be aware of dumb-asses out there. Luckily, myself and many other gay men and women live comfortably in Chicago. I've heard of people who were born in Chicago and are not even aware that they live in the state of Illinois. Come to think of it, I've lived in Chicago for 6.5 years and I've only been to other parts of Illinois a handful of times. And only one of those times, I had a destination that was actually in the state.

I was reading the Chicago Free Press and saw this. Among all of the gay articles in this paper, this one perplexed me the most -- The residents of Gay Rd. in a town just outside of Peoria petitioned to get the name of their street changed. The street was named after honored 17th century explorer Picard du Gay. Gay street was in reference to someone's fricken name.

The one small light of this issue is the alderman of that district and at least one resident was against the change. All in all, how fucking sad and stupid is this? Living in a large city can really put you out of touch with how infantile much of the U.S. is. I think many forget that is was not too long ago where women were not allowed to vote. It was not too long ago that "Nigger" didn't mean much.

Stupidity like this really challenges me in regard to being compassionate that people only act as they know. FUCKERS!!

You can read this article by clicking on this.

The Marquette Heights City Council voted 4-1 Jan. 24 to change the name of Gay Road to Hennepin Road.
Officials in the Peoria suburb said seven residents of the nine-household road petitioned for the change, saying they were subjected to harassment because of the road's name.
Other residents opposed the change, citing the historic nature of the name. The road was named for Picard du Gay, a 17th century explorer who lived in the area.
"I think it's a sad social commentary on the public nowadays, that they would go ahead and take away the honor that was given to an explorer from the 17th century just because his name was Gay," Gay Road resident Danny Wolf told the Pekin Times. "I have friends named Gay. I don't make fun of their name. ...It was never an issue in the past, but for some reason it is now."
Ald. Susan Hoover voted against the name change, saying, "Marquette Heights should stand up for, and be proud of, the name."

YAY FOR GAY!!

2005-02-02T17:44:00.000-06:00

OK... though I've resisted for the past however many years it's been, I have started watching American Idol. It's truly a study in psychology... but when the one or two meek, unknowingly-they're-talented contestant belts out something great, it's refreshing. If you want to see an example of a flaw in the human gene pool, go www.americanidol.com and under the video clips, see Anna Roach... Crazy I tell you... crazy.

In short, I've had very confrontational discussions with different members of my family regarding my gayness... my unapologetic faggotry... my lip gloss. Anyway, they have known for 9 years and in the last year, I was given an ultimatem... I was told I have decide what kind of "lifestyle" I'd live and then they would determine how it would fit into the family. Now, I love my family... crazy love them -- I excused their denial but that comment really pissed me off. All of the pain and sadness I've failed to recognize in my life turned to anger and I turned that anger on them. In so many words, I told them to fuck themselves... this is NOT how good southern boys are taught to speak to their parents. I layed it out for them. I smeared every example of how their primative attitudes has degraded me and chipped away at my self-esteem. They will need to chew on that for a while but quite frankly... as much as I love them, I'm done. If I can't exist as myself to have a relationship with them, I'm ready to walk away. They have a choice to change their attitude, I don't have a choice in changing my sexuality... Besides, I love gay.

Strangely, this was not an earth shattering event, I think I was just so fed up, it became so as matter of fact. Have a great day and watch American Idol San Fran tonight!!

FM

FEBRUARY BLOG

2005-02-01T15:17:00.000-06:00

Wow! Can anyone believe that it's February, already??! Crazy I tell you... crazy.

My prostitities has cleared up... enough about that.

I've had a pit in my stomach all day and for the life of me, I can't figure it out. Hmmm... I need a vacation... I want to go see a movie... layin' off the simple sugars.

PELVIC HELL 2

2005-01-26T09:11:00.000-06:00

Hello All You Pre-Ops.... Well, this is entry number two concerning my pelvic issues. Last Friday was about day 4 of feeling something was not right and on that day, I was nearing total irritation... my boss gave me a smug attitude toward me leaving work to go to the doctor... and stupid me let her reaction get to me and I cancelled my appointment. Then next morning, which was Saturday, I was feeling really bad and I was able to get into the doctor... I think he was a gay Dr. because after explaining that I felt like I had a bowling ball up my ass, he said..."Have you even had a history of prostate infection?" And I said "Why YES Dr... I have." He said "are you in a monogamous relationship." And I said "Why YES Dr... are you asking me out on a date?" And he said "No, I just wanted to bend you over and stick my finger in your ass." And I said "uuhh... no... ummm" Before I knew it, my pants were at my ankles and his finger was up my ass. As he was mashing on my prostate, he asked "does this hurt?" And I said "YYYYEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!" The coversation really didn't go that way but you get the idea. Based on the symptoms, he said that it was a prostate infection. The last one I had, however, was not nearly as bad as this one. I had a secondary cystitis infection, which is mostly common in women. Men out there... let me just say, if you are straight or have female friends and they complain about cystitis, don't you dare give them a hard time about it. It is hell on earth. Imagine the worst imaginable burning, stinging, itching sensation down your pee hole. The tip of your penis get's really red... (and no, it was not VD). By Sunday, I had 4 lymph nodes in my pelvis that were swollen and very painful. By Monday, I was bed ridden... pain, misery, antibiotics, Oh God!! take me please!!! I couldn't determine what was worse, the pain or daytime TV. CIPRO to the recue!! Yeeee Haawww!!

Thankfully, yesterday was better and today, I'm about 85% back to normal... I'll be on anti-biotics for the next 5 weeks and I wish this hell on nobody. I haven't had sex in over a week!!!

FM

PELVIC HELL

2005-01-21T09:37:00.000-06:00

Hello Fuckers... I'm a bit in the dumps today. It seems that I'm developing a urinary tract infection... um... and... NO! It isn't what you are thinking about now. For reasons not worth getting into - I've had a sporadic history of some type of urinary tract infection. It fucking SUCKS. This is what I dread... your doctor will ask you, "are you sexually active?" and the response is "ohhh yyeeeaahhhhh." When the doctors learns that you participate in male-on-male relations, their eyebrow raises, they sit up straight, and say "we're gonna do a few tests." Next thing ya know, you have a 9 inch Q-Tip down your pecker... AAAHHHHHHHH!!! FFFUUCCCKK!!!!!!! Not only is this degrading, it is extremely unpleasant. Then, the doctor starts lecturing you and by the time you leave the office, you have been convinced that you have all the STDs. And every time, the tests come out negative and there is another week that you have to go in pain because the son of a bitch didn't treat you for what you REALLY have.

The last two UT infections I've had is prostititis... which is a bitchy little infection to have. Prostititis symptoms are like VD in some ways but, I just don't want the whole shit done and then have to pay $300 in the end. Plus, I'm in a monogamous relationship... and though I know that does not always mean anything, I'm confident that everything is kosher. Plus, I've had this before and I've learned the specific symptoms. JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN PILLS!!

Besides my pelvic troubles, I reached the conclusion that I'm sick of having shit to survive. I want just like 4 months of just boring-assed life. I'm tired of parents being assholes about me having gay. I'm too old to have to defend myself... either invite me home for the holidays or shut the fuck up!

I watched 20 seconds of the inaguration last night before I just felt this wave of pissed-ness. Why can I not get past $40-fucking-million dollars. I realize aristicrats do aristicratic things but that's too much money to spend on a party when there are people out there who can't afford medicine, who can't afford to eat... Here in Chicago, people are freezing to death because they can't afford to pay their heating bill. There are people in our own country to live in third-world conditions. We have hundreds of thousands of qualified, educated professionals who can't get a decent job. Some people have NO concept of what it is like to struggle. I guess $20-million couldn't swing it. And in my opinion, he doesn't deserve an inaguration... he has his war to be proud of. For a more "passionate" opinion on the inaguration, read what Helen thinks.

???

2005-01-18T15:19:00.000-06:00

I want to blog today, but I have no fricken idea what to write. No FRICKEN idea. I'm blocked (mentally). Perhaps, during the last year of my life (the shittiest ever), I've desensatized myself to a lot... under stimulated... Well, I'm sick of it. I want to eat cake and frollick with all the other yearlings. I want to watch Eight Is Enough until I cry my eyes out. Terms Of Endearment has nothing on the Nicholas losing his important little league game. Wasn't Mary irritating?... what a lesbian.

I wish I could have like a week off with no guilt. I have not had stress-free time off in so FRICKEN long. Jesus FRICKEN "H" Jip!! Mom TOLD me what would happen if I became a fag... SHE TOLD ME...

Now, I'm thinkin' to myself this muthuh fuckuh ain't got a care in the world... but who knows... maybe he don't.

REPENTA AMERICA... REPENT!!

2005-01-14T15:19:00.000-06:00

I was doing my sweep of gay news sights and I read an article about these Christian Evangelists who got arrested during a protest in Philidelphia. They were arrested after causing a riot at Outfest in Philidelphia, PA. (Not quite sure of the date). In a nutshell, the gays were having a celebration in a public park and there was a stage involved. During the event, these Christians began a protest using vulgar signs and a bullhorns, shouting about hell and "die faggots." As a result, a series of altercations between the two sides caused a riot.

A group called Repent America led the protest and their front man is Michael Marcavage. Repent America is sponsored by the more well-known American Family Association (AFA). I visited the websit for both of these organizations and essentially, they are your typical brand of ignorant, self-righteous, crazy people who hate in the name of Christ. And boy do they know how to whine like a bitch when they are accused of breaking the law. The fag haters, of course, are making appeals on First Amendment pricipals. Marcavage make a statement to the press that he feel Christianity is becoming illegal and "... Speaking the Gospel in a public square is a crime." They weren't actually charged based on free speech; they are charged on ethnic intimidation, criminal conspiracy, and initiating a riot. Four of the protesters including Marcavage could face up to 47 years in prison if found guilty.

OK... this is the part where I become non-objective. It sickens me when people make excuses for their hate crimes in the name of God. When have you ever really read about a fag who picks off a church congregation. When has GLAAD ever sponsored a hanging? These fundamentalist groups are a real piece of work aren't they? Repent America's Mission Statement is:

"To sorrow or be pained for sin, as a violation of God's holy law, a dishonor, to His Character and government, and the fouleset ingratitude to a Being of infinite benevolence."

Now, maybe I'm missing it but I don't see Christ's love in this at all. Even the main page of their website is a bit daunting... under the statement of their mission is two choices to enter the site. One says "Christians Enter HERE" and the other says "All Other's Enter HERE." How fucking childish is that?? I picture a prissy, bitchy 5 year old girl stomping around poochie-mouthed saying "You're not allowed... no boys allowed." If you choose where the Christians are allowed to go, you read article after article on how the world persecutes them an and of their succes of some sort of faggot killin' or nigger hangin'. And the part of the site created for the non-holy is what you probably imagine it to be. I don't know whether to be sick or to laugh.

Wouldn't it suck if you were one of these guys... You dedicate your life to hating faggots only to be raped by one in prison. All I have to say is this... I am a Christian and I know that Jesus tells us (in the story of Mary Magdeline and the Merchant) that the over-righteous man is less deserving than the immoral man to inherit the Kindom of God. I love how these mouth-breathers sin to fight sin.

Screw This...

2005-01-13T10:52:00.000-06:00

I realize that there is a population of people half way around the world that have much more to worry about than I do, however, I have not been able to give my full attention to the tsunami disaster. My life, over the last 2.5 years has in most regards been shitty. Alot of little things that pile up and become plain shitty. I never lost sight though that things do happen for a reason and that eventually, when the sky is bluer, I'll come out of it a better person.

I won't go into every detail but the sadness and pain of my family not accepting that I'm gay caught up with me. There was a time in my life, several years ago, where I didn't think I needed their approval, yet I beant over backwards for 9 years to make their life easier about it. I spent Christmases away from boyfriends and was never able to include them in my family. I've lived with the fear and anxioty that my parents and siblings would never know me. A constant of pressure on someone will break them after awhile, which it did me and in the end... I'm dismissed and blamed for it.

I received an interesting letter from my father almost a month ago and I haven't been able to respond to it quite yet. He and mother do not "buy into" the gay "thing." They stated that they don't and will never accept "it" or have anything to do with "it." To me, this says:

"We don't care to understand you son, you see, the pain you have endured your whole life over this issue is your fault. And quite frankly, your mother and I are embarrased as hell that we have a faggot for a son. No, we would rather listen to everyone except you about what it means to be gay and we would rather support all of the negatvie stereotypes that are out there. Yep, the fear, pain, and sadness you endure is your fault and we wash our hands of it. But... we love you."

I've got one thing to say about this... Screw it! I mean, does this make a damn bit of sense to anyone? If there is a non-gay reader out there who wants to make a stupid comment like "well it's unnatural and that's why..... blah blah, " you can save it. It amazes the hell out of me how much of an expert non-gay's have become on the topic of homosexuality. They know it ALL. Actually, I'm quite surprised... I thought my parents were different people. It's weird, I forgive them already and I love them unconditionally, but they destroyed somthing between us. I don't trust them... I'm sure we will move past this, however, something has been cut. On one hand, I'm sad about it and on another, I'm relieved and liberated.

The good that has come from this is I no longer need their approval. I'm at fault for the fact that I never developed that sense until now. I let myself get to such a low point. The days of comprimising my dignity to make them comfortable are over. If they don't want a relationship with me, shame on them. I'm their son.

SNOW

2005-01-05T16:58:00.000-06:00

In Chicago, we are being pounded by snow. Normally, when the weather people tell us to freak out about a snow storm, we usually get a mere dusting in those cases. Today however, they were not wrong at all. It's piling up pretty good. It's not one of those pretty snows either - like the kind where the large clumps of flakes softly fall and everything seems still and quiet. This is windy-assed face pelting snow. I walked from the El to my office this morning and felt like I was beaten up. We will live. I'm a native Georgian so I still have to remind myself that snow doensn't make anyone here in Chicago flinch. I will say however that people in Chicago bitch about the weather a lot. People who have lived here for 20 years are like, "Oh God! it's so cold, I hate the cold, I wanna go somewhere warm..." I'm like "how fricken long have you lived here??? It's cold in the winter - why is it such a suprise every year when winter roles around that it's cold?" Chicago is known for its cold winters but people act like Chicago is the only and coldest place on earth. I lived in Cincinnati for 2 years and it was chilly and snowed a lot while I was there. Chicago has nothing on Minniapolis - that, my friend, is just wishin'-you-were-dead cold. I lived in Colorado too... That is die-if-you-stay-out-too-long cold.

OK... enough about cold.

Has anyone seen Ocean's 12? I saw it on New Years with Otis. I liked it.... any comments?

FM

WHAT'S IN THE CABINET?

2005-01-03T14:28:00.000-06:00

Wanda Sykes on Christine Todd Whitman...

"We should've known the trouble that was ahead of us just from some of George W.'s cabinet appointments. It was like a bad joke. Let's start with the environment. Bush appointed Christine Todd Whiteman head of the EPA. No wonder they've managed to lower the emissions standards. The governor or New Jersey is head of the Environmental Protection Agency. Do you know how dirty New Jersey is? I mean, I'm sorry, but you drive through New Jersey, you're gonna get a lump in your breast. Better get a mammogram at the toll. They should have a mammogram booth right next to the E-Z Pass lane. "That'll be two-forty, and put your titty on the counter.""

EMINEM

2005-01-03T14:19:00.000-06:00

Wanda Sykes on Eminem...

"He won an Oscar. Everybody likes his ass. He's a smart guy. He knows that no matter how accepted he is not to use the "N" word in his lyrics. White kids love his shit because his songs are the only ones they can rap along with word for word without getting the crap beaten out of them.
Black people like him because he's from Detroit. And if you've lived in Detroit as long as Eminem and escaped without a gator and a fucked-up hairdo, you're cool, man. I think all his misogynistic and homophobic lyrics are just a front to make him appear to be something he is really not. I'mean, how homophobic can you be if you look like a cute lesbian?"

WELCOME 2005

2005-01-03T09:13:00.000-06:00

OH GOD!! Thank you 2005 for finally coming!! Wwwhhheeeeeeeeeewwww!! Yeeeeeeeeeee HAWW!! 2005 has got to be a better year for me. 2003 and 2004 were filled with so many hard lessons and shitty occurences that they felt like one year for me. I do have to say that 2003/2004 has really changed my life in many ways... for the better. It's forced me to be more of an adult that ever before. It's like that holy moment in one's life where you either take control or step aside. I've had my chops busted about something and everything by everybody it seems. Essentially, I recognized changes I've needed to make in my life and attitude. I learned this, you can have all the best intentions but good intentions don't prevent shit from going bad. I won't get into details but no, I didn't kill anyone, I didn't get arrested, I didn't fuck anyone against their will.

Through 2003/2004, it was not total pain an suffering, it's like that huge transition period that I hear people talk about all the time. It's weird really. There is so much involved, I don't even want to think about putting it all in one blog. I do know this; 2005 will not be the answer to all of my issues and questions, however, I'm looking at it as the year that marks a turning point for me. I'm tired about getting my chops busted, I'm tired of disappointing people, I'm tired of being depressed. I deserve a fulfilling life.

INTRODUCTION

2004-12-30T15:10:00.000-06:00

Hello Loyal Readers,

I'm beginning a new blog. I started a blog about 2.5 months ago called "Ministry of Sinners." I ended up feeling uncomfortable with that name because I couln't seem to get the image of a 19 year old loser who pretended to like listening to Nine Inch Nails. I changed the name to "Faggy Maggy's Head." With this, I couldn't separate the name of the blog and felacio. Today, I read the latest blog entry in Faggy Maggy's Head and discoverd how stupid my blog was. I mean God... it's pretty sad when you visit your own blog after a month and realize that you hate everything about it. The name, the template, and especially what you wrote. Terrible.

This new blog is "The Increadible Faggy Maggy." My goal with this blog is just to blog... Like everyone, I'm going through shit in my life. Some good shit... some bad shit. Comment, have fun, link me to your blog, etc. Enjoy!

FM